ATLANTA - The Department of Transportation announced that effective next month, all motorist anger must be filed through Form 1080-RAGE, including timestamp, lane number, and a brief statement of grievance no longer than two expletives. Secretary Renata Cole said the policy modernizes conflict resolution. "Honking is performance art," Cole said. "We need documentation."

Drivers will now have to pull into designated Expression Lanes, scan a QR code, and await email confirmation before they can express their fury. The process aims to streamline the often chaotic interactions on the road but has already sparked debate among lawmakers and drivers alike.

In pilot states, results are mixed. Utah saw a 30% drop in visible fury and a 300% rise in passive-aggressive bullet points. "We were expecting some improvement," said State Transportation Commissioner Jane Smith. "But these bullet points are getting really long."

New Jersey declined to participate, citing "constitutional issues and also habit." The state’s governor, who prefers to drive with the windows down and the radio on full blast, stated in a press release: "I’ve been tailgating for decades, and I’m not about to start filling out forms. It's just another way for bureaucrats to meddle in my life."

Automakers are updating dashboards with rage autofill. Ford’s 2027 model will suggest draft language based on following distance. "Imagine," said a spokesperson from Ford, "your car telling you exactly how to respond when someone cuts you off." The company is also considering adding a feature that suggests polite phrases for those who prefer not to use the two expletive limit.

Critics say bureaucracy will not stop tailgating. Cole agreed but noted, "at least tailgaters will know we have their email." The American Automobile Association (AAA) has already started offering template phrases ranked from "mildly disappointed" to "strongly worded paragraph you will regret at the next exit."

Printed forms are available at rest stops, between brochures for scenic overlooks and regret. At a local gas station in Atlanta, one driver was seen filling out his form with a flourish: "I am livid. I have been following this jerk for two miles. He is clearly trying to cause an accident." His neighbor, who had just received an email confirmation, said, "Well, at least you know they got your message."

The DOT has also launched a hotline where drivers can report incidents of road rage without filling out the form. However, calls are limited to one per day and must be made from within designated Expression Lanes.

Local traffic psychologist Dr. Emily Johnson believes that while the new policy may not solve the root causes of road rage, it could provide some relief for those who struggle with their emotions behind the wheel. "It’s a step in the right direction," she said. "But we need to address the underlying issues - stress, lack of sleep, and general human fallibility."

In conclusion, while the Department of Transportation hopes that this new policy will help manage road rage, critics remain skeptical. As one driver put it, "I don’t care if I have to write a two-expletive statement - I just want my car back."